NaCoMe

Last weekend, the Traveling Trio spent an eventful, tornado-warning filled weekend in the woods of middle Tennessee with our church. In spite of the (sometimes torrential) rains, we had a wonderful time, as usual, spending the weekend with old friends and making new ones too! NaCoMe is certainly my idea of camping - you stay in cabins with heat/AC, running water and real beds. The wonderful staff cooks delicious meals for us all weekend long, so pretty much all you need to do is relax, enjoy nature and occasionally check to make sure you still know where your kid is.

What I particularly love about NaCoMe, other than the food, is the sense of friendship that you find there. You look out for other people's kids, they watch out for yours. The big kids help the little ones and are really nice about it. M has a crush on a young lady at our church who is, I think 12. He followed her around ALL weekend. He made her a friendship bracelet and on Saturday night he thought he was the cat's pajamas because she allowed him to sit with her at dinner. Our little boy is growing up (sniff, sniff) He didn't even look around to see where we were in the dining hall, he was so thrilled to be eating dinner with the big kids....

At NaCoMe you can kind of allow your child to wander off with his friends to play, run, explore. It is kind of like living in a very small town for the weekend and enjoying the pleasures that come with that. Kids can run free without having to worry that some stranger is going to take them. They can ride bikes without fear of being hit by a car. They play with old friends, make new friends and get REALLY, REALLY dirty and quite wet playing in the creek. It is the kind of childhood I wish M could have every day...

As you can see, this year, B and I were accompanied to NaCoMe by our own superhero - Light Boy. One of the dads thought M was calling himself "White Boy" which was kind of funny...but just so we're straight, he was Light Boy because he had his headlamp and could make light wherever he went. I'm not kidding you when I say that he wore that mask all weekend long. :-)

Saturday it poured all day. But we had a great time playing games with friends, hanging out on the front porch of one of the cabins and during our tornado warnings, getting to know the people in our own cabin better. Sunday the sun came back out, just in time for us all to leave. But at least we got to enjoy the sunshine while we sent M's new boat on its inaugural journey in the creek. The entire family came home tired, happy and looking forward to our next NaCoMe adventure!

4 years

Today will mark 4 years since we lost Colin, our second son. On that day and the days that followed, I would have told you that it would be impossible for me to ever laugh or be happy again. At the time, I wanted to curl up into a little ball as small and as tight as possible to try to contain the overwhelming pain I felt. It seemed some days that I might actually die from grief - it was so big and awful and it would - not - go - away. When your 2 year old sits in the back of the car and sings, "Mommy and Daddy are sad. Sad, sad, sad. Mommy and Daddy are sad" - you know that things are pretty bad.

As I reflect on that day, I am pleased to say that I HAVE laughed since then and I AM happy. It took a long, long time and the patience and love of many people to get here. And, now that I'm here I think that I finally know what it means to be strong. You aren't strong because you say you are strong or because you dance to "I will survive" with a bunch of women at a wedding. You aren't strong just because Gloria Steinem says you are. Strength is forged - like steel.
I often wished in the months and years following Colin's death that my Grammy, suffering from Alzheimer's, could still recognize me and talk me through our loss. She lost a young son to cancer many years ago and yet she was one of the kindest, most loving and I would even say happiest people I have ever known. But, I think she also knew what I have come to discover - after a great loss you come to appreciate the things you still have even more than ever before. After Colin died, she was my "north star" if you will. I always said that I never wanted to be angry for the rest of my life - although I sure was angry for quite some time. I wanted to be like her - loving, kind and the sort of person where you are shocked and surprised when you find out about her loss and then amazed at how she has persevered in spite of it.

But, I wouldn't be writing this to you today without the grace and love of many people - and I need to call out a few of them.

• friends - my new friends here - there are many of them, but especially Jessica, Sharon and Mary Allison - hadn't known me for very long at all as we had only moved here about a year before Colin died. In spite of this, they all made time to provide hours (years?) of listening ears, hugs, encouragement, friendship and support, as well as a wonderful memorial service for Colin. And, all of our friends from far away who called or emailed to check on us and let us know they were thinking of us - not just right after it happened, but on anniversary dates too.
• my family - I know that it was torture for my parents to watch from a long distance what we were going through. They spent hours on the phone listening to me cry and rant and talk. They provided a refuge for me whenever I ran home to escape bad memories. They have been incredibly supportive all the way along the journey. My step-mom became one of my best friends - she listened and talked for hours. She connected me with her friend who had suffered a similar loss and she "got it" which is amazingly difficult for many people to do. Without her, I would have been lost. My little sister, who probably didn't even know what to do with me, but kept calling and hugging me (when we were together) anyway. And, my parents-in-law, who kept M safe, happy and secure the night we lost Colin and the days following and again during my hospitalization. They kept his life as uniterrupted as possible during those traumatic days and for that I'm immensely grateful.
• Cara - originally B's friend, who I stole, Cara is amazing! I can't even explain everything that Cara did, but she is pretty much my personal cheerleader. From "your eyes don't look dead anymore" (which was a compliment) to "this is an amazingly hard thing and you can take as long as you like to get over it, no matter what other people think", she is simply an amazing friend and a great person.
• my husband - I'm pretty sure that less hardy men would have cut and run at some point over the past 4 years. Let's admit it, I was an emotional wreck for a good part of the first 2 at least and a shell of my former self for a long time after that. He cried with me, he let me yell at him when I was so angry that I just needed to lash out at the nearest option, he moved houses because I said I needed to move, he fought for "us" and he has more than lived up to every single word he said when we took our vows. I'm lucky to have him - incredibly lucky.

Finally, I need to say something more about Colin. Although the time we had with him was brief - just a few short hours of holding him before they took him away - the legacy he leaves behind is long lasting. From Colin I have learned to stop and appreciate life, instead of rushing through it. I have learned that children are a gift, not a given and you should treat them as such. I have learned that you should love the people you love as much as you can every day because you may not have them there tomorrow. And, I have learned if, God forbid, that happens it IS possible to survive.

Growing up...

Yesterday, B and M spent the afternoon together - violin lessons, a haircut for M to repair the self-trim job he did last week, and a trip to Brooks Brothers for M's first big guy outfit complete with bow tie!

First, a thought on self-cutting of the hair. My kid is actually quite good at cutting the front of his hair, which is the only part he ever cuts. How good you ask? Well, it usually takes me several days to even notice that he has cut his own hair at which point I usually ask, "Hey, M, did you cut your hair again?!!?" And M answers, with a shrug, "yeah, it was in my way. but I did a good job huh?" And he does - I mean it isn't Ms. Grace (his stylist) good, but pretty even and straight across and not too short. So, since we are headed to a wedding this weekend - M's first - we needed to get a haircut and straighten out the self-cut bangs slightly.

B took M to Brooks Brothers to find some suitable clothing to wear to the wedding. The outfit they brought home is, well, adorable!! See for yourself:

They also came home with a Brooks Brothers teddy bear. Now I was suspicious as B is not one for buying stuffed animals, unlike me. (I admit it, I have a soft spot for stuffed animals. I know that they aren't actually alive but I still agree with M that they have feelings...) Turns out, Warren, the BB sales guy, was so impressed with M's behavior and patience during the trying on and tailoring that he bought the teddy bear and gave it to M! Just in case you are wondering, the bow tie was a M selection :-)

Seattle!

Last week was M's spring break from school. We spent 5 days in Seattle visiting Aunt Sally and having some great new experiences.

Wednesday, when we arrived, it was a (surprisingly!) sunny day. We spent some time at the beautiful Bellevue park and playground to get out all of the energy that had accumulated on the long airplane ride to Seattle. What a great park! I wish Memphis had more parks like that - it is beautiful with fountains, gravel paths, wide green grassy areas and a super cool playground. It also had not one single speck of litter visible anywhere in spite of the many people enjoying the park. We headed up to Newcastle golf course to get a view of the city and the Cascade and Olympic mountains while the sun was out and you could see the view. It was chilly up there, so we headed into the clubhouse to warm up and enjoy the beautiful view from inside. M had hot chocolate with about 3 inches of whipped cream on top!

We had dinner at a sushi restaurant where the sushi comes around on a little conveyor belt and you just pick off what you want. M was not a huge fan of the sushi, but he was willing to try it. He did like the edamame and tempura shrimp though.

Thursday was a lazy day with Aunt Sally. She and I did a little shopping in the morning. Thursday afternoon we took M bowling for his very first real bowling ever. Fortunately for B and M, the lane had bumpers. At first M was a little disappointed that he wasn't "winning" but later on decided that bowling had been lots of fun, no matter the score. (For the record, I did beat B)

Friday it POURED down rain. Supposedly this is very un-Seattle like, but boy was it miserable. We decided to head to the Museum of Flight out by the Boeing factory. Very, very cool museum, but sadly both the Concorde and the original Air Force One planes were closed that day. Normally you can walk into the planes and look around. Happily, the rest of the museum was really neat. M enjoyed it, especially the part about space. We walked through a section of the International Space Station (recreation) and saw moon buggies and more. He also enjoyed the WWII exhibit and I got to teach him a little about WWII history - Axis and Allies - and about the fact that my grandfather has flown for the US Navy in WWII. They didn't have any big bombers like he flew on, but we still got to explore the smaller fighter planes and read their markings. I taught M that you could tell how many enemy fighters a pilot had shot down by the flags painted on the side of the cockpit. He thought that was very cool. (I'd love to show you a photo of this, but B left the SD card for our camera in the hotel room, so no photos of the museum...)

Saturday was another rainy day. In the morning we took a field trip to Uwajimiai which is the Asian grocery chain in Seattle. They had the coolest seafood section and M got to see squid, live tilapia, Dungeness crab, and a geoduck (pronounced "gooey duck") The geoduck is like a large clam with this giant arm sticking out of its shell. It is apparently quite tasty although I will have to take Sally's word on that. Sat. afternoon, Sally, B and I headed to downtown Seattle to see a live taping of Prairie Home Companion. It was a blast and our seats were awesome - 2nd row! The musical talent was very good, including Brandi Carlisle who was absolutely fantastic. And, of course, Garrison Keillor was engaging and funny. When we got home from that, we spent some time coloring Easter eggs.Sunday, the Easter Bunny came to Seattle! M had been worried that he might not know where to find us, but that EB, he is a smart bunny... We had a nice time finding eggs and enjoying the Easter gifts before heading to the airport for our journey home.

We love Seattle, in spite of the rain, and can't wait for our next trip!

We're off...

The Traveling Trio is about to leave town for the cold, dreary, rainy weather of Seattle. What possessed us to leave 78 and sunny for 50 and rainy? Well, for one thing, we have tickets to see the live broadcast of Prairie Home Companion on Saturday. And, Seattle is fun! Great food, interesting museums and Aunt Sally, of course.

This past Saturday, we went to play tennis at our local college campus and stumbled upon a fairly large collegiate track and field meet. Serendipitously, the event that was starting when we got there was the girls' 4x100 meter relay (which I used to run). So, M and I watched that and the boys' 4x100 and then we wandered over to see the girls' long jump (also one of my old events). Must have been the least qualified girls because they weren't very good. My track coach would have loved to correct their form. And one girl scratched (crossed the "take off" line) on each of her first 4 attempts. M thought that the sprinting looked cool so he has been practicing to see how fast he can run - mostly in the house - ever since. I may make a track runner out of him yet!

"Good mommy" day

As I'm sure all of you who are parents can understand, sometimes you have "good" parenting days and some days you get to the end of the day and think, "Hmm, I fell down on the job today because I...[let my child watch too much TV, let him eat too much sugar, didn't pay enough attention, etc.] Anyway, I declared this afternoon a "no TV and computer" afternoon. I wasn't sure how this was going to go since I often use the TV as a way to keep M quiet if I have impromptu afternoon work calls. And, at first, you would have thought that I said we were throwing away every toy in the house, based on the fussing, crying and whining that this provoked.

I offered a trip to the library or time playing games together. At first both were summarily refused, but after M realized I was serious about no TV and no Wii and no computer, he quickly decided that a trip to the library would indeed be a fine idea.

I love our library. It is bright, airy and the children's section is decorated in a very inviting and fun manner. They have tons of books and very helpful librarians. We walked right over to the Berenstain Bears aisle. This aisle has the added bonus of also being the Arthur and Franklin books aisle too. So we loaded up with our first 10 books or so. All told, we left there with, I think, 18 books - all for M. He could not wait to get home and read his books. In fact, there was barely a peep out of him after we got home as he quickly devoured the first 7 books or so.

As we were there, reading books, wandering around, finding even more books to take home, I realized that (good) libraries and (good) book stores are very peaceful places for me. It appears that they are also a place that M enjoys spending time. Our friend, Sally, sent me a shirt last year that reads "Reading brings tranquility". I love that shirt.

Side note - As I was typing this, I was also baking shrimp scampi pizza. Well, the oven obviously needs to be cleaned b/c the entire house is full of smoke. And, the upstairs smoke detector went off (repeatedly) right outside of M's bedroom. Bet you can't guess who is sound asleep in the midst of all that racket? :-)

Eyes of a child

Last week, M and I were at the Target over on Colonial. It isn't my favorite Target, but it is the closest. As we got out of our car to walk to the store, we saw this big, rusty, white Cadillac driving down the parking lot aisle. It was so beat up! But, M looked at it, his eyes going wide and said, "Look at that FANCY car! Mom, did you see that car! Wow!!" And, then as it got closer and the many rusted out spots became apparent, he said, "Hmm. I guess it is a little dirty but boy is it fancy!"

I giggled to myself but later I got to thinking about it again. When is it that we lose the ability to look at the world as a place of joy and wonder? What happens that causes us to look at a rusty old car and only see a rusty old car instead of a fancy automobile? What would happen if we all kept looking at the world through the eyes of a child?

If you ask M about whether everyone should have health care or just people who can afford it, he says, "Well everyone should have it Mom. It is not fair for only some people to get medicine." If you ask M what he thinks about war, he says, "You aren't supposed to hurt other people and you can NEVER point guns at them. Don't their moms take away their guns if they point them at other people?"

See, all these issues we debate endlessly as adults could easily be resolved if we just remembered the basic rules we learned as kids.